How will you know?
Love is one of my favorite topics. I'm in love with the idea of love. Although, I'll be the first to admit that I'm the Grinch who Hid Valentine's Day...and I never gave it back. My heart hasn't grown two sizes. I just don't like the idea of love being commercialized but you'd probably have to know me to understand. Anyhoo I digress...
So yea - Love. I love it.
This post is in response to a request from a friend of mine and I thought it would be an interesting topic to explore, as was suggested. Also, last night I had an amazing conversation with another friend of mine - I listened to her like a proud parent and was reminded of one of the most beautiful things about love.
Just to be clear - when I say love here I'm not simply talking about walking in love and loving our neighbors as ourselves although that is very important (I've already shared thoughts on that in another post http://seespeakshare.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/if-this-isnt-love/). However, I'm talking specifically about the love between two people man and woman that leads them to become husband and wife.
Yes so back to my conversation last night. My friend reminded me that everything we experience the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful is molding us into the person we need to be for our mate. The same way God took a rib from Adam and took clay to mold Eve is the same way He uses our life experiences to mold us into what He created us to be for our lifetime companion. Isn't that beautiful!?! :sighs:
So the big question is How will you know you've found the one - your Adam? or your Eve? Again let me clarify: I believe in soul-mates, I often say rib-mates. The same way Eve was created especially for Adam I believe that everyone is created especially for one person. Do people always marry the person they were made for? I believe that sometimes people miss out on "the one" for a number of reasons. But even so that doesn't mean you can't have a great marriage, after all God says that marriage is honorable in all. Marriage is hard work even when your with "the one" but when it is with someone that God wouldn't have chosen for you it makes it that much harder that's why God warns against being unequally yoke. God actually wants to make our lives easier, better - all the proof you need to believe that is evidenced in the way of salvation He made for us. Jesus came to give us life and give it to us more abundantly. Okay I'm going off on another tangent bring it back.
Really though - how will you know?
I think there are many ways to know.
God could plainly tell you who you're going to get married to. I know a few people like that and I am/will be one of those people as well. I like this way because that leaves no room for mistakes. Of course you have to be trained to know the voice of God and He may tell you through visions and dreams or some other sign. Pay attention.
Sometimes it's not someone you would choose for yourself at least not at first. I've heard people talk about love at first sight but I haven't met too many of these people in my life. A lot of the happily married couples I've talked to said that their mate was either someone they hated, was content being just friends with or wasn't their ideal type and yet that was who God chose for them and no one else would do. It could be the person you least expect the short/tall one, with/without the glasses, with the three children, the nerd, the cornball, etc. I could go on...
It will be the person whose flaws you are acquainted with and still they are perfect for you, flaws and all. There is no such thing as the perfect person. And even when you think someone is perfect a year or two of marriage will certainly prove otherwise. They will have weird tendencies that will become annoying once the honeymoon stage has passed and infatuation gives way to reality. "OMG she just poured the milk in the bowl Before she poured the cereal! Ewww. Who does that?" LOL Yeah, that kind of stuff is going to happen ALL the time for the rest of your life. But even on the days when you're irritable at the back of your mind you'll still know there's no one else you'd rather be with.
The person will literally be your better half. I'm not talking about completion. I'm talking about complement. The difference between someone making you complete and complementing you is found in the definitions of the two words. Complete means to make whole. Complement means to make up a whole or to bring to perfection. It's the difference between a pair of sneakers and the individual sneaker. Two sneakers make up a pair. You have one pair of sneakers. But if one of the two is missing laces, or has a hole in the sole it's not ready to be matched up with the other one. Two people (a man and woman) make up a marriage. Marriage is husband and wife. But if the man or woman is lacking in some area as a person then they're not ready to be matched up with the other person. One of the most profound quotes I've heard on Love and relationships is as follows: "If you attempt to build intimacy with another person before you've done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete the hole in your heart and the lack of what you don't have and will end in disaster." It's important that you know who you are and that your identity is founded in Christ. "The one" for you will be the one who balances you out because they understand you. Don't be surprised if one is an extrovert with many shallow relationships and the other is an introvert that adds depth to any relationship they form. I'm not making the general statement that opposites attract but the pairing up of these two people is going to widen the perspective of both people. Each person is going to have something they can teach the other and each of them is going to learn something from the other. Two imperfect people will before God add up to perfection before God, they will be a pair, a match literally made in Heaven and it will be evident.
Forgiveness is a good indicator. I believe that because of the flawed nature of people everyone has a list of things that they deem unforgivable. When you meet "the one" there may be some things in that person's past that you would deem unforgivable if it were anyone else but for some reason for you it's an issue that you can come to terms with. Not only that but in 40+ years of "love" and marriage or even in 2 years, there's going to be a lot of giving and taking and that means a lot of forgiveness. Holding grudges is not going to make the marriage any easier and you're going to have to be willing to really forgive and move forward.
You will find that you enjoy giving to that person. Love is others minded it is selfless and not self-serving. You won't be thinking about how much this person can do for you but how honored you are that you are able to do for them. Giving will be something you look forward to doing more often than not, even more than you usually would for other people.
No one else will compare. Even before you're married a person may entertain someone other than the one God has for them but if that person is already in your life no one else will compare. Sure when things are fresh and brand new a person seems interesting enough but when the novelty of it all wears off you'll find that this person isn't someone you can see yourself with for the rest of your life. Truth is sometimes even the person you're supposed to be with will barely seem like you can be with them for the rest of you life, why because it's the rest of your life and you're committing to forsaking all others.
You will see growth. This person is definitely going to change both you and your life for the better. They are going to challenge you and be an additional source of strength, inspiration and motivation.
Love waits, it is patient. There will be no pressure to meet a deadline. No one person will be pressuring the other. Sex can wait and it won't even be a problem. You'll have so much other things that you can do with that person that waiting for marriage won't be a problem other than the fact that you have to control yourself from refraining from what the Bible says is the ultimate [physical] act[ivity] of love other than dying . Two bodies coming together in a very physical sense as a symbol of the joining of two souls, a man and his rib. Even if you know and the other person isn't sure you won't mind waiting on them and giving them the time and space they require/desire.
...And the butterflies will follow. I had this discussion with the same friend who requested this post and we agreed that butterflies differ for each person so whatever you define butterflies as, whatever spark you need, it most certainly will be present. For some it is something mental, for others something physical like a jolt of electricity or something, I don't know. lol :shrugs:
Every relationship takes work and needs to be worked at, it's a continual process. One of the most important things to remember is to enjoy the here and now as you plan for the future. Whether or not the person is already in your life make sure that you are the best you, you can be so that you can be everything God created you to be.
How do I know all of this? Well, all of this is my opinion and it may differ for others but like I said it's one of my favorite topics so I've taken the time to learn as much about it as I can. This is one of the things that makes me, me. It's an additional experience that is molding me into the rib I am for my husband. So who's my husband?? He's a blessed man :winks:
Lighting up the world with Love & Light