Dear Danny, This letter is long overdue and the crazy part is its not even addressed to you...its addressed to the internet, my public and myself. I know you're the private type and probably wouldn't approve but against that knowledge and my better judgment I've decided to pull a Taylor Swift.
I wish a lot of things as it concerns you and I...everything from I wish we were as close as we once were to I wish I never met you and all that in between stuff. As it comes to boys, guys, men you were my very best friend. I'm thinking of you now because its Thanksgiving and I don't know...but some part of me was hoping that this year would be like other years passed and we'd share it together. Those were some of the best Thanksgivings, back in S. Fl.
I wasn't missing you until this week. Stupid holiday season! Now I'm wondering what you're doing this Thanksgiving. I guess I'm a little people sick. Missing Kaiya, losing friends this way and that, knowing that graduation is fast approaching and home will no longer be a stone throw away. Growing up is overrated!
Sure we've had our disagreements maybe even argued (though you made me laugh and smile way more than disagreements or arguments occurred) But when all was said and done (at least on my end) you always let me get my way. What the heck were you thinking? I won't get an answer to that. Its okay, I sort of understand. I prefer living in my head too. But that doesn't work. One day we'll have to grow out of that.
Maybe I could go on and on but I won't. Actually I'm not quite sure what I'd say if I went on and on. What would I say? Thank you? I don't think that would do our friendship justice, all the ups and downs until finally I got sick enough of this rollercoaster we were on and vomited my emotions. Seems like I was always doing that with you. But that's what happens when I suppress my emotions and behave all indifferent. Crazy right? Yeah it is!
I wish we could still be friends but what's the use...my only regret is that I never got to really record with you! There was that one time but...I don't even remember what happened with that track! The one with the sample.
So, this might sound extra girl-in-her-emotions-ish LOL but on a very sober note I will never love anyone else the way I loved you. Please understand I'm not saying I will never love again or I can't love someone else more than I loved you. That's just dramatic! (Get out of here). Loving someone more is not the issue. I'm quite sure I can one day love someone more than I loved you it just won't be the same way that I loved you. With that said I doubt anyone else will ever be able to love you the way I did. I'm not feeling myself either I'm just saying what we know to be true. People don't love alike. Fortunately for both of us...that may work in our favor.
All in all I think we made an honest effort and honesty can be really ugly at times but we did give it a go! We tried to be together as more than friends, we tried to be together as just friends, we tried to be there for each other and eventually we just tried to remain part of each other's lives and since that doesn't work, we've just accepted not being together at all. I don't know how you feel about it because we've never discussed it and now we never will, but for me some days it doesn't matter, on other days it sucks! Completely, totally, and utterly.
You're in my thoughts every now and again. You're in my dreams every now and then. And maybe one day I'll run into you or see you on the tube. How wonderfully awkward that will be.
I suppose after all this I'll have to kill off my effigial muse loosely based on you that inspired so much of my writing. Ha! Truth be told I started writing poetry because of you...all those years ago...when I wanted some artistic way to express my feelings in response to the drawings you did for me. I was such another girl! Smh. Anyhoo 2003 seems a lifetime away. There's something about odd numbered years...I don't know...
I wish you the kind of happiness that makes you smile all the time, even in your sleep. I wish you the kind of love that knocks you off of your feet. I wish you godly success in all you do but especially in your desire to have God's heart and know Him more and more intimately. I wish you the satisfaction that comes from a job well done as a man, as a father and as a husband. Sky's the limit. Get all the greatness that lies within you, out of you and into this lackluster world. It needs it!
Regardless of whether or not you are present in my life you're forever in my heart and prayers.
Cara-Marie ----- This was fun. I guess it will do considering that I don't know his number and I'm too proud to send an email. It really hasn't been that long it just feels that way and I needed to get all this out of my system right??? I mean isn't that how detox works??? LOL Oh never mind me, I'm being Extra :winks:
(:thinks to self: I hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the butt) Eh what's the worst that could happen
I'm terrible with confronting emotions, I'm either indifferent (unmoved emotionally) or overly emotional. Its all so Nina Simone - loving just like a woman but breaking just like a little girl.
If you could stomach reading this...then you're a better person that me. LOL.
I'm currently off to bed folks. Night Night pilgrims.
Oh that's right it is Thanksgiving! Well Gobble Gobble!!