Bees and Thorns
"As I mature I realize that I talk to myself more, I correct my own mistakes, I follow my own advice. Less people are around and that has allowed me to connect with myself. I've become one of my own best friends." -? Source: Tumblr
This quote is really a summary of my current state.
Literally this morning I had a "cliche" epiphany but an epiphany nonetheless.
I LOVE MYSELF!
I'm beyond imperfect. But I am growing. And I love every one of my many imperfections because they make me uniquely me.
Every dark spot, every wrinkle, every blemish, stretch mark...etc.
They belong to me. They are a part of me. They are mine and they are me all at the same time and that my dear friends is beautiful.
I believe the only other time I'll feel such intense love and connectedness is when I get married and become one with my husband and have children (a woman's heart in human forms) that's the only other time I'll be able to love something that is mine and me all at the same time.
Perhaps I've even been a bit extreme but oh well. The lesson of loving myself is well worth it.
I've gone out bra-less and been proud.
That's a big deal. Wearing no bra in the house is one thing but running a quick errand with no bra? Oh no! I never thought I could do that. I thought my chest was too big :-/ if you know what I mean ladies...and maybe it still is...but the point is I did it and it was...liberating...for lack of a better word. No, I'm not a feminist. But growing up with large breasts going bra-less was a privilege reserved only for those chicks with small perky boobs....
Okay enough of that...it's kinda TMI anyway...lol
Not much has changed in my macro-environment but my entire *internal* perspective has shifted. I'm ultra content with where I am now...dare I say, grateful? Yes! I'm thankful for this seemingly slow pace. It has allowed me to take inventory of where I'm coming from and plan for the future.
Ugh! I feel like I'm rambling and that this explanation isn't doing any justice to my mental state and what I'm feeling...
but imagine living life as if you had nothing to lose...
That's where I am right now.
I've taken the time to get to know myself. I've examined my physical flaws and fallen in love with them. I've considered my shortcomings and forgiven myself. I've been kind to myself. I know myself better. And I have extended the same faith to myself that I have in others. I'm ready to exercise trust in myself by stepping up and making decisions rather than trying to shy away from them.
Realizing that I have nothing to lose and so much to give has allowed me to silence the insecurities that would seek to paralyze me. Those insecurities are powerless, they don't control me or determine my destiny.
And I'm extremely overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude. God has been so kind even in the midst of those things that I first interpreted as being negative.
I have a loving family. I have wonderful friends. I have an amazing boyfriend.
And I also have me.
Life is a beautiful gift to be enjoyed and appreciated. Yes, often time frightful situations arise and the sun may not always shine. But that doesn't make life any less beautiful and that should not keep you from moving forward and enjoying this gift.
One day after one of my runs I passed by this bunch of flowers and decided to admire it but there were a lot of bees around and I almost changed my mind. But then I decided that those flowers were as much for me to enjoy as they were for the bees and I was equally reminded that thorns don't keep me from touching white roses (one of my favorite types of flowers). Thus my epiphany "Don't let the bees keep you from the flowers and don't let the thorns keep you from the rose."
Take the bad with the good but never let it stop you from moving ahead. Keep going! Keep growing!
Much love & light to all you pilgrims!
- A sniffer of flowers and a holder of roses