Wedding Wednesdays: Big Girl Panties
Last Week's Wedding Wednesday Poll Results
"Cyndi Lauper honeys" Guess that Movie? 100% of voters were correct! Brown Sugar! I LOVE that movie. It's by far my favorite Romantic Comedy ever. Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs are my favorite onscreen couple. I crack up every time I watch that movie. I think Mos Def was hilarious in that movie too!
How Many Bridesmaids Does Cara Naan Have?50% of voters said 3 Bridesmaids and 50% of voters said 4 Bridesmaids not including Matron and/or Maid of Honor. Both those answers are incorrect. I actually have 5 bridesmaids. :puts hands over face: That's a lot right!? I know! Lol.
How many years has the Bridal Party person who has known Cara Naan the longest known Cara Naan?66.67% of voters said 20 years and 33.33% of voters said 12 years. 20 is the right answer! There's a reason I call my Chief my sister, she adopted me as her little sister when I was like 5!
Big Girl Panties
Or An Ode to Mommy Dearest
A short lesson on the colloquialism Put on Your Big Girl Panties: Put on your big girl panties is a colorful way of saying 'You're acting like a child who hasn't been potty-trained yet: time to grow up, act like an adult and do what needs to be done.'
I literally had to tell myself that yesterday morning.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday morning, in anticipation of having to run an errand associated with wedding planning by myself. I was ready to have a full-scale tantrum:
Ugh, I don't want to plan a wedding. Daniel has to work, I don't even want to go by myself. I want my mommy! It's not fair that I have to be planning a wedding without my mom here with me every girl should have her mom with her...
Ultra dramatic bridezilla moment much? Definitely lol. In any case, that's how I woke up. A very sour mood. But I quickly checked myself and did not give in to the tantrum that was trying to form inside of me. I told God "JK Daddy, this will be an awesome day. I can do this! I want this."
I proceeded to do what most girls do when they want a quick pick-me-up.
During the months of January and February I focused the majority of, if not, all my reading and study on the life of Abraham [Genesis 12 to 23]. As I was driving out of my complex yesterday I wondered to myself if at any point on his journey Abraham missed the family that God had called him out from. I wondered if he was ever tempted by his feelings to turn around and go back home, after all he had no idea where he was going all he knew was that he was going with God. But I answered my own questions, even if Abraham FELT that way at some point on his journey it doesn't matter. Why? Because he didn't turn around.
That's what Big Girl Panties mean to me. It's being in a position where I manage my feelings. My feelings don't direct me. This process has not been ideal for me. My mom and my bridesmaids all live out of town. Daniel and I have conflicting work schedules which makes it extremely difficult to run errands together. But all in all I'm learning that ideal or not I can handle it. I surprised myself yesterday with getting myself back on track. I didn't need to vent to God and whine to Him. I was joyful and grateful and able to share that with Him instead of complaining.
To add the icing to the cake I spoke to my mother after running the errand.
At the time of our conversation I shared with her that it was clear there was yet another hurdle that we would have to be jump but I wasn't worried about it.
Hungry and tired?
Would I be doing anymore running and around to try and resolve that issue? No. Because if another tantrum was ready to form I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep it at bay on an empty stomach. There wasn't much I could do then anyway so we both agreed going home and eating was the best move.
Growing up, those who know me best will say that I was a Daddy's girl. That is true. I'm not ashamed, my Daddy still means the world to me. He was my first example of a good, loving and strong man! But as I've grown into a woman, (Woman is such a strong word! LOL.) I've grown to appreciate my mother so much more than I did when I was a child! I always thought my mom was perfect, even when I was younger. Not perfect in the sense of having no flaws or doing no wrong but perfect in the sense of this ultra holy other. And as an imperfect tomboy who would rather be running around in baggy shorts than learning the ins and outs of keeping house in a dress, I resented that. We were constantly at odds, and though I didn't know it, because she would always show us her strong side, I hurt her feelings as much as, if not more, than I thought she hurt mine. Still, she never let her hurt feelings detour her from teaching me the right way. Even in times when I have strayed whether in cooking regularly, or keeping a clean house or even godliness and self-control, it was never for a lack of teaching or a lack of an example on her part.
We still drive each other crazy sometimes but our relationship has blossomed beautifully, and we have a greater understanding and appreciation for one another thanks be to Our God who restores.
During this wedding planning process I talk to her often. She has great organizational skills, which I sometimes lack. She is a get-this-done-right-away woman whereas I still have some procrastinating ways about me. Smh. LOL. Long story short she definitely adds to the balance I need at this time by simply being in my corner. We haven't gone wedding dress shopping yet but I can't wait for that time!!
Anyhoo...I was sharing with her yesterday about my morning and how I woke up off balance but managed to regulate myself without having a tantrum. I told her about wishing she was there to help me...and you know what she said?
"You don't need me. You can do this. You're strong."
You may not understand how monumental of a moment that was for me, so let me break it down. Like I said I always thought my mom was perfect. Of course there were times when she may have been wrong but one thing I can say is that I never witnessed her lie. She went on to tell me how much she believes in me and that's why she's so invested in this wedding and isn't worried because she believes that God is in it and will work everything out. She told me that I amaze her! Oh my gosh just recalling that moment yesterday brings tears to my eyes...
I didn't cry then because honestly I was in shock! Not at what she said as much as how and when it came out.
I think every woman, deep down inside, wants her mother, whether living or dead, to one day see her as a woman and also to be proud of her as a woman.
I can say that my best feminine qualities (compassion, a nurturing nature, house keeping, etc.) come from my mother's teaching and her example even if and when those qualities were nurtured by other women around. I am me because of her. I've always known her to be strong, kind, and loving. I've seen her submit to her husband and allow him to lead her. Her example is a large part of the confidence I have in myself when it comes to marriage. I can do this. And to have her echo those same sentiments yesterday was everything!
10 Things I learned from my mommy:
Ultimately, Submitting to your husband is the equivalent of loving your husband.
- Respect him as the man of the house. Make decisions together but always recognize that he is not just the head but your head.
- Never discuss him in a negative way whether he is present or absence.
- Be strong but allow him to be there for you, never shut him out.
- When troubles arise, you may forgive and forget, your friends will not. The issues in your marriage are none of your friends business. The issues in your marriage are no one's business except you and your husband and should not be shared with anyone not even parents and siblings unless there is a threat of physical danger or the issue is serious enough that the two of you decide together to seek help from an authorized outside source.
- You cannot run home to mommy and daddy every time there's a problem. We love you but if you run to us we'll wave from the window and tell you to go back and work it out.
Cleanliness is next to godliness. (That's not even in the Bible but...lol...okay...)
- A clean house adds to a happy home. Need I say more?
Don't be afraid to work hard for what you believe in.
- That road often requires sacrifice to achieve what you want.
Be a gracious hostess.
- A happy woman doesn't mind entertaining guests and welcoming people into her home, announced or unannounced. (IDK about that unannounced bit but...I did get it.)
Invest in people without wanting anything in return because people are inherently valuable.
- My mother has been a Sunday School Teacher, a youth leader, a women's ministry leader, a role-model, a surrogate mother, a friend and so many other different things to so many different people and she's done it out of love never once expecting anything in return.
- She believes that all people are valuable and has always been willing to go the extra mile to spend extra time with those who are in need.
- She has always given her time, prayers, and money without looking for a return on investment.
- Once you're a married woman, your husband and then your children when they come along become your number one priority.
- Career. Personal goals and achievements, even your closest family and friends come second to the preservation of the family unit.
If all you have is Hope and Faith you have more than enough.
- When things are dark and grim, you cannot give up. Let the hope you have in your heart and the faith you have in God be the fuel you need to push past the rut and keep going!
- Cry if you have to, scream if you must, crawl if you can't walk but whatever you do, don't quit!
"You're not here for your good looks"
And that's a direct quote lol. Gotta love Jamaicans.
- Immediate Ramifications: You may think you're pretty but you're a part of this family so you better get these chores done! LOL.
- Real meaning: You weren't created to be told you're beautiful or to be admired simply for your beauty, you were created for a purpose. Do something meaningful with your life. Affect change, no matter how small it may seem.
Whatever you do, do it well.
- Whether it's cleaning your bathroom, or working as a janitor. Whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability and to the glory of God.
If you know God, know that it will all work out in the end.
- Since all that I meet, shall work for my good, the bitter is sweet, the medicine [is] food. Though painful at times, 'twil cease before long, and oh how sweet the conqueror's song. (A hymn that my mother would quote, often.)
- And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
- Your bad days, your bitter disappointments, your failures, God uses those too and they are still all working together for your good.
- Jeremiah 29:11
Mommies are awesome! So, they may not Always know best, but they sure do know a lot and it comes out looking like the best Most of the time!!
I got my big girl panties on and I know I can handle whatever comes my way, thanks in LARGE part to the amazing example of my mommy dearest.
Mommy wow! I'm, a, wo-man now!
Share the love. Show your mom some appreciation, whether it's a call, a hug, or honoring her memory with your thoughts - she's worth it!
Good day to you pilgrims. Wishing you and super moms everywhere love and light!