RE: Claiming GOOD SEX

Sex FEELS good.

No surprise there. 

From a scientific standpoint, the amount of the pleasure chemical, dopamine, released in the brain during sex is on par with dopamine levels in heroin addicts, but without all the nasty side effects of a drug addiction. 

For those of us who have had sex, here's a question:

Have you ever had Bad Sex?

Some of us would respond with, "No! I've only ever had good sex. I always put it down. Every time I have sex it's the best sex ever."

Okay. To you I say bravo, and then I have just a few follow up questions. Is the only-ever-good sex you're having, safe sex? And would your spouse, partner (or partners) co-sign your response?

Others of us may respond to the "bad sex" question with a loud, resounding "Yes!" In fact, if you and I were to have an honest conversation, likely face-to-face in a confidential setting, you would spill all the beans. 

Ladies you might say, "This one time he only lasted two minutes, and it did absolutely nothing for me."

Guys you may tell me, "If she's not Niagara falls wet then I just use some lube and make the most of it."

(Oh yeah...I went there. And this is why there is no video for this week! LOL)

At the heart of my "bad sex" question, and at the heart of the various responses I could get, is the same assumption, that sex is about us—the individual.

Our definition of bad sex is walking away from a sexual experience without fulfillment or quite literally without orgasm. And the opposite is true, we define good sex as leaving a sexual experience feeling fulfilled, feeling pleased. 

Bad Sex is an oxymoron. 

Let me explain.

Any loyal Apple customers among us? Any Mac daddies or Mac mommas present? (You own an Apple laptop or desktop, an Apple watch, an iPad, and/or an iPhone. Maybe you only own an iPhone but you've had several, and the idea of ever changing to a Samsung is nothing short of heresy.)

Any Apple enthusiast would quickly tell you that using the term "Bad Apple" in reference to an Apple product would be ludicrous! Why? Because Apple has a solid reputation, and a long-standing track record (based on factual evidence not just opinion) of producing high quality products. That is not to say that Apple products never go haywire once in a while. 

But even a perfect product can stop working correctly in the hand of a flawed user. 

Maybe you're not a big Apple fan. No problem. Think about the car you drive. 

The quality of the car does not depend on you—the end user, the driver. Of course how you choose to treat, and maintain, the car (e.g. regular oil changes or bad driving and car crashes, etc.) will affect the lifespan of the car. But the inherent excellence of the make of the car has nothing to do with you. The car's quality depends solely on the manufacturer. The one who creates and puts together all the parts. 

GOD manufactured sex. 

And He is not shy about it. 

God is the one who created, invented, and manufactured sex. Sex has God's stamp of approval. Sex, as God created it in the beginning, came with a quality guarantee.

God manufactured all the congruent parts, necessary to create a well-designed, fully-functioning sex machine. 

First, He carefully and thoughtfully formed all the parts of man, shaping man from dust. Then, God created woman with an equal amount of care and attention and thoughtfulness, shaping her around one of Adam's ribs.

Man and woman were perfect complements in every way, but most noticeably physically.

Photo By: Michael Prewett

Photo By: Michael Prewett

Where man had a protruding appendage, woman had a concave annex. The two parts were designed to fit together, to unite as one, in one, single, nerve-exciting act—SEX. (See Note on word one flesh).  

When GOD finished creating, He looked at all He had made (sex included) and declared that it wasn't just good, but that it was very good. God endorsed His own work. He's an unashamed enthusiast.

Sex doesn't just feel good, sex is good. 

Sex is very good. 

And the "very good"ness of sex has nothing to do with you (or the other person) and your (or their) abilities and techniques. 

Sex is very good because GOD made it that way. 

Sex was created to provide mutual pleasure and fulfillment, in addition to being a means of reproduction. Good sex is two people taking joy in pleasing the other person in the ultimate, physical expression of love.

When he's seeking to please her and she's seeking to please him, neither one of them can walk away from that experience and call it "bad." 

Good things, sex included, come from God. (James 1:17)

Unfortunately, good sex in our flawed hands leads to defects and disappointments. Our society has idolized sex. And idols will always disappoint, they're not God. Idolizing sex, objectifying others for our own sexual gratification, and blindly venerating the bodies of our lovers because of lust, has spoiled what sex was meant to be.  

There are "good" Christians having, and promoting, "bad sex." 

If you've only, ever heard that sex was a bad, sinful, act, then I apologize on behalf of those who spoke that way. Sex is a beautiful and good gift God reserved for marriage.

If you've ever been objectified, or had your heart broken, or ever had a negative experience with sex, then I apologize on behalf of those who hurt you. Like Adam and Eve, you were thoughtfully designed (Psalm 139:14) and you were made to experience safe sex, sex at its best. 

If you were ever told that sex was only created for procreation, then I apologize on behalf of those who said that in ignorance. The anatomy of our bodies (4000 nerve endings on the head of the penis and 8000 nerve endings on the clitoris) proves that God configured us to enjoy the pleasures of good, selfless, sex. 


***NOTE: The Hebrew word 'echad' that is translated "one" in Genesis 2:24 in Hebrew literally means a single entity made up of more than one part. In the case of Genesis 2:24 man and woman (two parts) become one through marriage and consequently the consummation of the marriage.