Lent's Get It Together (Part I)
(This is a two-part post you can read Part II here.)
It's a beautiful day!
It's cloudy, and rain is expected later tonight. Nevertheless, the sun is shining even through the clouds and the birds are happily chirping. It's a beautiful, first day of March in Atlanta! And I'm so thankful for it. On this day I am a living proof of the "words weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!" (Psalm 30:5)
Last night I cried.
I had been struggling to get through my to-do list (which was a common theme all of February) and I knew I needed to take a break and sit with GOD. Date Him.
This was my second sit down with GOD for the day. It was late and in that moment I felt ashamed to be in His presence.
My posture said it all. My head was tilted to the side, my eyes were lowered, my guard was all the way up, and my facial expression was all attitude, one that said, "Here comes the 'shame on you' I deserve."
I forgot who I was sitting with. A Perfect Gentle-GOD who was not going to force Himself upon me and Who only wanted to breathe life and peace into my fatigued spirit.
I broke. I wept.
Through tears I whispered out loud:
When did I start failing at my life?
When did becoming overwhelmed with my daily tasks to the point of paralysis and/or chronic procrastination become my norm?
Why is it so hard to make time for the thing I love most (writing. Separate from my day job)?
I'm scared. Is this depression rearing its ugly head again?
Why would the GOD of the universe want to love a screw up like me?
And in that moment of confessing all my doubts. and all my fears. and my predilection for controlling all things concerning me. I stopped, mid-tirade as it were, because GOD embraced me with compassion.
In that moment I felt so so SO incredibly loved.
And after a long day of fretting over being able to make real, lasting changes come March 1, I felt the peace of GOD.
All the tumultuous emotions inside of me came to an instant calm. A quiet response to my tears. "Peace be still." (Mark 4:35-41)
Last week I told Danny that March 1 is when I'll get my life together. (I had been scrambling to stay on top of things and it was incredibly draining and discouraging. I was ready to be back on top of things.)
Danny laughed, "Why not today? You have to wait until next week?"
Yes. I felt that the first day of a new month is the perfect time to hit reset. Not to mention, it would also give me a few lead days to prepare and get organized.
But after forgetting to eat twice yesterday because I was trying to get everything done, I got discouraged. I thought, "If this day is any indication of the days to come, then I've already failed at turning things around."
But that was before my "peace be still" moment late last night.
As I sat in silence on the floor and let the Holy Spirit shower me with love and assurance, I realized I needed to surrender control. again. The reason I felt like I was failing at life was because I was trying to go about living off of my own strength and ability.
We cannot live the extraordinary life GOD has for us as mere humans. We need to rely on His power, and His strength, and His grace, and His love. At all times. In every area.
At the end of my time with GOD I said and truly believed, "You're right. I'm loved. And I can do it all with You. But I can't do it apart from You. I won't. I don't want to." And that's the truth Ruth!
This morning when my alarm went off after 5, I sprung into action.
The late night session with the Lord left me revived and restored.
I ran 4.8 miles, the first time I've gone running in over a month.
As I thought about the first day of March (aka my day of getting my life together lol) coinciding with the first day of Lent, this clever little hashtag came to mind:
Cues music: Lord I really want to pray, Lord I really want to grow, but you gotta let me know can I get it together, Lent's Get It Together. :in my 702 voice: