RE: Claiming SAFE SEX

The world we live in is many things...

The world is LARGE—even though technology helps it feel a little smaller everyday. 

The world is Beautiful.

From breathtaking settings that surpass even the greatest works of art, to people as colorful as the wide spectrum of colors yet to be discovered. 

Yes. The world is many things...

But SAFE isn't one of them. 


If the world was safe, we wouldn't need to take all the precautions we do:

Alarm systems in our homes. Safety belts in our cars. Security and metal detectors in our airports. (And the list goes on...)

And on the other side of safety precautions is one of our greatest enemies—Fear.

We're afraid that the perils of the world will get to us. So we do everything within our power to avoid them, and to be as safe as possible. 

Still. People have broken into our homes, or stolen our cars. People with a healthy and preventative lifestyle still develop cancer. 

Whether we dare to admit it or not, our safety is ultimately not up to us. 

The measures we take are at best, precautionary. 


And there are some activities that we know are not safe.

Jumping out of an airplane? Not safe. Bungee jumping off a cliff? Not safe. 

But for many of us the thrill we experience during the risk is more rewarding than the safety we crave. 

Still, we do what we can to protect ourselves.

We strap on a parachute and trust it will deploy before jumping out of a plane. We put on cords that we trust will hold us up before we jump off a cliff.

These measures do not magically transform these activities into a safe activity, but they make us feel comfortable enough to go through with it so that we can experience the thrill. 



The fact that we use the term safe sex proves that sex can be unsafe. (If there's safe sex, then we must assume there's unsafe sex.)

We create safe words, so sexual activity doesn't go beyond our desired levels of comfort. We wear condoms to avoid STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). We use birth control to try and avoid unplanned pregnancies.

But none of these precautions make sex any safer. None of these safety measures truly dissolve the dangers that lurk.


Is the wear-a-condom-definition of safe sex, really enough?

Why do we feel ashamed and feel the need to turn the lights off when we're having sex? 

Why do we need liquid courage to go through with a one-night-stand or to have sex on a first date? 

Why do we sever our emotions from sex in an effort to avoid heartbreak?

Clearly wearing a condom doesn't address any of that.

Photo By: Pixbay

Photo By: Pixbay

Safe Sex shouldn't just cover the man's member or your mouth, and safe sex shouldn't just help to reduce the risk of catching an STD.

No matter how many precautions we think we're taking in regards to sex, it's clear that American society is still not having safe sex. 


  • The divorce rate and its relation to infidelity. 
  • The outrageous spectrum of STDs. (There are more than 20 types of STDs.) 
  • The number of single-parent homes that are the direct result of unintended pregnancies. (1/3 of all unintended pregnancies are to unmarried women in their 20s and 49% of all single mothers [4,875,000 women] have never married.  Source.)  


Safe sex should cover all aspects of a person's well-being—spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical.

To define safe sex as only 'using a condom or dental dam' is like saying,

"Here. Drive this red corvette! It has no brakes, but never mind that. You'll be fine as long as you're wearing a safety belt. Don't worry about how to stop the car once it starts. Just enjoy the ride."

Corvettes were made to go fast. But if you're going 120 mph with no brakes, You're in trouble. 

Likewise, Sex was made to be enjoyed. But if our definition of safe sex is only protecting our physical nature, we're in trouble. 

There's a more thorough definition of safe sex. One GOD gave us long ago:

If you want safe sex, keep sex in marriage.

Don't have sex with someone outside of your marriage (adultery) and don't cheat your future spouse by having sex with someone else's future spouse (fornication)


But why?

Why should God care about our sexual activity? Or our sexuality?

Why should He want to regulate it and ruin our fun?

Why should He deny us the pleasure our bodies were obviously created to experience? 

There is one, common answer to all those questions—

Because. LOVE.

[The word love has been reduced, used, and abused in our society.

We love everything.

We love pizza. We love getting our nails done. We love traveling. We love social media. We love. love. love. ]

We are quick to say we love. And we are slow to comprehend the ONE Who invented love, Who Is LOVE in its purest form. 



An all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving GOD who could foresee the devastating effects of sex left unchecked: STDs. Broken homes. Broken hearts. Broken spirits. Broken people.

In infinite wisdom this GOD gives a preventative prescription:

Save sex for marriage. 

Oh, but that's hard!?! And that's just one of many rules this GOD has right!? 

It doesn't Have to be complicated. JESUS said that all those rules could be summed up in two commandments [and both are to our benefit] (Matthew 22:36-40) :


2. LOVE your neighbor as yourself. 

If saving sex for marriage seems hard, then in loving this Loving GOD (Rule Number 1) we can ask for His help, and be assured that we'll receive it. Whether we need help identifying our future spouse or need to escape the temptation to "do the do." 

(Rule number 2) Are you married? Do you want someone sleeping with your husband or wife? No? Then you don't sleep with someone else's husband or wife [or future husband or wife] (adultery).

Are you single? Do you want someone else sleeping with your future husband or future wife? No? Then you don't sleep with someone else's future husband or future wife (fornication). (Also Rule Number 2.)

And if you are SO convinced that the person you're having sex with is for you, then Great! Prove it. Commit. Get married. Stay married. 

(Marriage isn't about a flashy ring. Marriage is about commitment. About LOVE. Real LOVE not a fleeting infatuation but a conscious choice that is acted out daily. A choice that says "I fully embrace you and all that comes with you—your past, present, and future—be it good, bad, ugly, or beautiful. I will love you, even when you don't deserve it." That's the kind of Love GOD has for us.)

When GOD commanded us to enjoy safe sex by saving sex for marriage, He was not being mean. He wasn't just trying to save us for our future husbands or future wives for the sake of virginity. No.

He was trying to preserve our time so we wouldn't waste it pursuing the wrong people. 

He was trying to protect our bodies from STDs.

He was trying to safeguard our minds from the mental anguish that comes from giving ourselves to people who wouldn't know how to value us.

He was trying to save our hearts from breaking every time we had a break-up.

He was trying to spare us added emotional turmoil.

He was trying to keep us from having to experience the many difficulties that arise from raising (a) (child)ren alone. 

He was trying to give every child in each new generation a bright future founded upon goodness and strong family ties.

He was trying to LOVE and Protect us, like any good parent. 

If having sex leads

to putting our bodies at risk for disease,

to hearts that are hardened (because the search for unconditional love has stopped short too many times and we dare not keep our hearts exposed and vulnerable),   

or to innocent babies, who are without the protection they deserve,

then how can we call it safe? 

Can we really say the short thrill outweighs the red flags that show us we are not safe if we engage with sex outside of God's protective guidelines? 

It's time to re-examine, and RE: Claim, our definition of Safe Sex.